Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
