A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
