I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
