okay pat passed out under dana's car
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
