You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need a beard to bite.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
