It's Friday. Sex?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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