I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
