I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
