haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
