Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
