goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
