I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
