I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
