How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
