Will you blow on my dice?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
