Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
