I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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