once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
