I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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