Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Found the puke drawer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
