ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
