from now on my penis is your penis
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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