There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
