A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
