I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
