I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
