So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
