i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
