Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
