I seem to have left my pride at pride
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
