I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
