Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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