Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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