Don't you send me to vm
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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