besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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