a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
