Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
