Can i not drive my cunt home
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
