Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
