that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
