my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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