well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
