I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
