Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
