you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
