Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
