She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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