After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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