I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
