Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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